Monday, June 2, we will meet in person.
Go to calendar for our schedule
Address for OHMC meditation space:
3812 Northampton St. NW, Washington DC 20015
Please arrive a few minutes early so we can invite the bell on time. You may also arrive 15 minutes early to practice working meditation by helping us set up cushions.
New to sangha?
This Monday we are offering an optional Newcomers Orientation.
Learn more and sign up here
Dear friends,
This week, we will meet Monday evening, June 2, from 7-8:30PM EDT in person at our meditation space (3812 Northampton Street NW); Wednesday morning, June 4, from 7-8AM EDT online; Thursday morning, June 5, from 7-8AM EDT in person/online (hybrid) at our meditation space (3812 Northampton Street NW); and Friday, June 6, from 12-1PM EDT in person/online (hybrid).
On Monday, our evening meditation will be facilitated by Annie. Annie shares:
I heard about the practice of Beginning Anew on nearly every Plum Village retreat I attended. These sessions, usually led by Sister Chan Khong, always included a demonstration of the practice with a couple.
Sister Chan Khong often reminded us that we may think we know our family member or friend one hundred percent, but we really only know five or ten percent of them. We make so many assumptions about the person sitting beside us without really knowing them in a deep way. We need a way to help us develop a deeper understanding of each other and share our vulnerabilities. This is why we practice Beginning Anew.
I am not an expert on Beginning Anew, but I have practiced with myself, my partner, and with the sangha over the years and have found it to be very helpful.
The Plum Village Beginning Anew Ceremony begins with these words:
With great respect,
we turn towards Shakyamuni Buddha,
the Conqueror of afflictions.
We have lived in forgetfulness for a long time.
We have brought about our own suffering.
We have been blinded by our wrong perceptions.
Our heart's garden is sown
with attachment, hatred and pride.
Our everyday deeds and words do damage.
All of these wrong actions
are obstacles to our peace and joy.
Let us begin anew.
The practice of Beginning Anew is a way to mindfully heal relationships in which anger or resentment has built up. It has four basic steps, although sometimes we just do the first or the first and second steps.
Flower Watering
Expressing Regrets
Expressing Our Suffering
Asking for Support
Before we invite the other person to meet with us, we practice mindfulness–coming back to our body and our breathing and making enough space to hold and care for our feelings of anger, hurt, or frustration. Then we do our best to discover what about us and our lives caused us to be reactive in this particular situation. We keep the focus on our own thoughts, speech, and actions.
We may also remind ourselves that the other person is someone important, maybe even beloved, to us. We generate compassion for ourselves and for the other person. After we have done all that, and we feel our heart is truly open to the other person, we may invite them to come to a Beginning Anew practice with us.
When we come together for a Beginning Anew practice, it’s nice to take some time to drink tea together and create an atmosphere of mindfulness and beauty before we start sharing. The time and space should be convenient, spacious, and comfortable for both people. Both people have the opportunity to do each step, to speak and to listen.
When we are the listener, we do our best to listen without blame or judgment. Even when the facts don’t sound correct to us, we still listen with our heart and don’t get into a debate. We are aiming to reconnect to the other person’s heart, not solve a factual problem.
We always start with watering the flowers in each other.
Flower Watering: We share with the other person the gratitude we have for them and their actions. We water their flowers by reminding them of some of their good qualities. For example, we might say, “I appreciate the way that you took the time to make me dinner” or “I appreciate your kindness to my mother.”
After this step, our hearts will be much more open to hear each other’s suffering.
Expressing Regrets: Once we have paused and looked deeply into the situation, we can see the way that our misperceptions and habit energies have contributed to the conflict. We may have said or done something that made the conflict worse. In this step, we acknowledge the things we have done that we now regret. For example, we might say, “I wish I had not responded to your email when I was angry. I know that I didn’t write it in a very kind way” or “I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you that I wouldn’t be at work on Monday when we agreed we would meet.”
If we feel complete at this point, this may be the end of the Beginning Anew practice, and we can stop and practice hugging meditation. If we feel we want the other person to understand the reasons, based on our own experiences, that we suffered, we can continue with the next step.
Expressing Our Suffering: Here, we can acknowledge that we have suffered. We will have done our own reflections in advance to have clarity about why this particular situation caused us to suffer. This step is about sharing our vulnerable feelings and how our own history plays a role in our suffering. For example, we might say, “The reason I felt so sad when you said that was because my mom used to say the same thing to me when I was little” or “I get worried when I don’t hear from you because I get scared that you might be hurt or dead.”
If we feel that we would like their support in the future, we can move on to the final step.
Asking for Support: This step will be very specific to the situation. For example, we might say, “My dear, I need your help. When you are starting to feel angry, would you be willing to say that we need a break?” We honestly express what we need that would help us avoid this kind of conflict in the future. We can even share something like “This week I am feeling stressed about work more than usual, so I hope you can understand if I seem more distant or am not able to go out with you.”
Beginning Anew is not a one-and-done process. It’s something we come back to time and time again, whenever we are having difficulties in a relationship. Sometimes we can do the Beginning Anew practice in writing, by sending a Love Letter to the person we are in conflict with. The point is that we have done our own work to understand our role in the conflict, taking responsibility for our own thoughts, speech, and actions.
You can read Thich Nhat Hanh’s words on Beginning Anew here and listen to Brother Bao Tang speak about it here.
On Monday after our meditation period, we will have time to discuss the practice of Beginning Anew and if there is interest, we might have two people demonstrate the process.
With love,
Annie.