We invite you to join us for online every first Thursday of the month morning Mindful Caregiving sangha.
Mindful Caregiving
These mindful caregiving sessions are open to all who identify as caregivers. The topics and discussions of this group will be rooted in mindfulness practice and will aim to support those in a parental role, caretaking for an elder, or experiencing another type of caregiving situation by creating a compassionate, reflective space to come together.
No prior experience with mindfulness is necessary—all are welcome. There are no restrictions to join. While there is no fee, we invite participants to offer dana (a practice of generosity) to help sustain the gathering.
Format: 7:00 am-7:25 am meditation period and 7:25-8:00 am dharma sharing.
For questions about the Mindful Caregivers group, please contact facilitator Jenny Medvene-Collins.
No previous mindfulness or meditation experience is necessary. No fees, donations are always welcome.
Monthly Topic
Coming Home To Ourselves
Coming home to ourselves is a topic that we’ve explored previously but continues to feel very relevant to our caregiver experiences. I was thinking about how this idea of returning to ourselves continues to be considered each time we meet, and wanted to share two passages to encourage the practice of nurturing ourselves and doing so in community with other caregivers. The first passage is from an article written by Kaira Jewel, who was a nun in Thich Nhat Hanh’s monastery for many years, and the next offers guidance from Thich Nhat Hanh.
“A key step that can help us begin to settle ourselves when we are profoundly unsettled is to come home, to ourselves, in this moment, whatever is happening… When we bring our mind back to our body we come home. We could consider this state as our true home. This home inside of us is a home no one can take away from us, and it cannot be damaged or destroyed. No matter what happens around us, if we can find this home inside of us, we are always safe. We experience a sense of peace and even freedom, no matter how confining the outer circumstances. Coming home to ourselves feels like belonging; it is a state that holds us and enables us to hold others. This is so important because we can live our whole lives estranged from this home within ourselves. -Kaira Jewel https://www.lionsroar.com/come-home-to-yourself/ (source)
The second reading is from Andrea Miller’s interview with Thich Nhat Hanh in 2012, where he was asked the question: “If I’m feeling a very difficult emotion, maybe anger, or deep sadness, and I try to focus on my breath, isn’t that a way of avoiding my emotions?” He answered: “Usually people lose themselves in a strong emotion and become overwhelmed. That is not the way to handle emotion, because when that happens you are a victim of emotion. In order not to become a victim, breathe and retain your calm, and you will experience the insight that an emotion is only an emotion, nothing more. This insight is very important, because then you are no longer afraid. You are calm, you are not trying to run away, and you can deal better with emotion. Your breath is you, and you need alliance with your breath to be more of yourself, to be stronger. Then you can handle your emotion better. You do not try to forget your emotion; instead you try to be more of yourself, so that you are solid enough to deal with it.” - Thich Nhat Hanh
Jenny Shares:
My caregiving journey and my mindfulness practice both started many years ago, when my dad became very ill. At that time, I had a few strong pillars of support and I leaned on one person in particular, far more than I took refuge in myself. Doing so, although it felt necessary at the time, made it harder for me to know how to come home to myself. I had trouble finding peace in my own breath. I didn’t fully trust that I could hold my strong emotions. Fast forward to today, and I have a mindfulness practice that allows me to continually practice coming home to myself. I am a caregiver again, but this time as a primary one. There are many differences between my first experience with caregiving and the present one, but the need for returning home to myself as a refuge has only become more important.
As a caregiver for the very young and the elderly at the same time, I often experience feeling pulled between worlds. Sometimes it feels more like being yanked. There are many needs, and the needs are often in direct conflict with each other, causing me to feel a whole range of emotions such as fear or guilt. It is in moments like these, when I feel myself being called to show up in different directions, that I try to practice coming home to myself, in my own body. I have found that when I don’t take a moment (or several) to return to my own breathing to access a place of peace within myself, I show up for my loved ones in a way that leaves me feeling frazzled and less than present. Afterwards, I feel upset with myself because I wasn’t able to tap into the compassionate speech or action that I wanted to offer.
I remind myself of Thay’s words, “You do not try to forget your emotion; instead you try to be more of yourself, so that you are solid enough to deal with it.” This is a constant practice, with nothing specific to achieve or reach for other than trying in one very small moment or many, strung together, to be even more of yourself.
For our sharing time today, I would love to know:
-Have there been moments when you’ve been able to come home to yourself in the midst of your caregiving journey lately? If so, what has that felt like in your body and mind?
-Have you felt any barriers to being able to fully come home to yourself lately?