We invite you to join us for online every first Thursday of the month morning Mindful Caregiving sangha.
Mindful Caregiving
These mindful caregiving sessions are open to all who identify as caregivers. The topics and discussions of this group will be rooted in mindfulness practice and will aim to support those in a parental role, caretaking for an elder, or experiencing another type of caregiving situation by creating a compassionate, reflective space to come together.
No prior experience with mindfulness is necessary—all are welcome. There are no restrictions to join. While there is no fee, we invite participants to offer dana (a practice of generosity) to help sustain the gathering.
Format: 7:00 am-7:25 am meditation period and 7:25-8:00 am dharma sharing.
For questions about the Mindful Caregivers group, please contact facilitator Jenny Medvene-Collins.
No previous mindfulness or meditation experience is necessary. No fees, donations are always welcome.
Monthly Topic:
Taking Care of Each Other
Reading (from Taking Care of Each Other dharma talk by Thich Nhat Hanh, 1999):
“Another very important practice is Shining Light, offering guidance in the principle of Sangha eyes. The Sangha eyes can see thoroughly. Many people think that the Sangha does not know, but the Sangha knows. It can see much better than you can. This practice comes directly from the tradition that on the last day of the winter retreat (or the rainy season retreat) a monk should bow down in front of his brothers and ask, "Please, with compassion, shine light on me so that I can see my strengths and my weakness during the past three months of this retreat." In Plum Village, we have developed this into a practice that is not only used at the end of the winter retreat, but also from time to time, when any of us needs the guidance of the Sangha. We can come forward, make deep prostrations, and ask for guidance.
Shining Light practice is a Dharma door which we offer to the Three Jewels and which we will hand on to future generations. We have to do what we can. We have to shine the light with all our compassion and lovingkindness, all our respect and love. We should see the person we are shining light on as ourselves. We haven't the right to hide what we have seen. We have to be sincere in saying what we have seen. This is a method of deep looking.
The collective insight of the Sangha is offered in the form of a letter. The letter always begins by mentioning the positive qualities of the person who has asked for guidance to help him or her strengthen his or her self-esteem. The weaknesses of the person concerned will be mentioned after, with details, and then the suggestions to help him or her to practice. All are written with the language of lovingkindness and compassion.”
Jenny shares:
I chose this reading to share because it is such a deeply beautiful practice, with so many layers for the ones sharing and the ones receiving. While my reflections stemming from this reading are not directly about the Shining Light practice, reading about the practice led to thinking about community, caregiving, and the power of being truly seen.
Recently, I’ve received many messages from other caregivers via text, email, or phone calls that start with, “I’m sorry it’s been so long,” or “I’ve been so overwhelmed and forgot to call/text/write,” or, “I haven’t talked to anyone in weeks.” I’ve sent similar messages, too. There are so many of us going about our caregiving lives and juggling a whole lot. Sometimes we lose track of the hours, days, weeks, or even months–then hit a moment where we realize just how long it has been since we really connected with someone, or with a community. In the midst of caring for our loved ones, perhaps we are managing to maintain closeness with our communities and are feeling sustained, or perhaps we have drifted a bit from those people and bonds that hold and nurture us. These days, I find myself periodically drifting away, then having sudden moments of realization that I am feeling isolated.
Our communities are ideally places where we can lay ourselves bare and be fully seen. They are places where we can shine the light of awareness onto others when needed, and others are able to do the same for us. In talking with other caregivers, I often hear the theme of loneliness or isolation come up. I hear (and sometimes find myself talking about, as well) a doubt that others will understand what we are going through. When this doubt creeps into my own mind, I hold certain parts of myself in. Sometimes I feel the fear of judgement sitting beside my doubt, as well. The paradox here is, of course, that the more we hold inside, the less likely it is that others will be able to understand us.
When I sense that I have retreated, one place I start with on the path to reconnection is focusing on what kind of community member I want to be. When I can show up with a compassionate presence and deep listening, I am better able to hold up a mirror for others who need that reflection or support just as I do. I love the idea of having a Shining Light type of practice in my life and having my communities be able to deeply reflect the parts of myself back to me. At the same time, I struggle with letting others fully hear about what I am experiencing as a caregiver. There are parts of our identities as caregivers that some people likely won’t understand, simply based on the fact that we do not have the same exact experiences or timeline as another person. The challenge for me, and maybe for others as well, is to continue to let the messier parts of myself be known while accepting that not all of it will be understood in a way that matches how I experience it. I remind myself that there are many times when someone is showing parts of themselves to me and I am not able to fully understand, but can still hold those parts with care. No matter the differences in our experiences, coming together with the spirit of generosity and mindful awareness can only help to sustain us through our many ups and downs on the caregiving path.
Questions for other caregivers:
-How connected and seen are you feeling in your communities these days? How can we show compassion to ourselves when we feel disconnected?
-In what ways do you wish to be supported by others as you go through your caregiving journey? Are there words or actions that would help you feel more clearly seen?